What Do You Do When Your Child Sits On The Bench?
To be enjoying the sport with adequate playing time is the primary issue for parents and players, most notably in the competitive youth sports programs. This goes together with our wants to develop healthy children, with opportunity, individual achievement, and popularity. However, the affirmative social significance of sports is getting lost, and we need to put a balance on it.
Many coaches believe that parents are the worst part of sports. Some parents overestimate their child’s ability. They attempt to instruct whether they are competent or not. Many times their actions are against what the coach is saying or doing.
Parents can get in the way and compare their child to another and question the coach’s decisions. The common problem that most parents have is when their child sits on the bench.
This topic can be divided into three:
- The child is not making it onto the playing field at all.
- The child is not playing as much as his other teammates.
- The child is getting inconsistent playing time.
All in all, these are the issues that parents usually question the coach’s decision making and game plan.
Before we proceed on knowing the things you can do when your child sits on the bench, let’s first look at whether your child is on a competitive or recreational team.
7 Actions You Can Take When Your Child Is Sitting On The Bench
Determine the quality of the team
If he’s on a recreational side, this means that all children are playing equal time. However, on a competitive team, the coach selects the best players they believe will make considerable contributions to winning.
If your child has this edge than others, he gets the playing time. If not, the coach likely feels that your child is not good enough or that he is more comfortable with other players in terms of physical differences and seniority.
These reasons are not limited. Understandably, talents and natural ability are constant, so the focus should be on things that can be enhanced: personal and physical growth, leadership, tactical knowledge of the game, and relationship management.
Notably, most coaches are volunteers and sometimes only paid on a minimum. They are coaching to help, not to hurt. Still, you may wonder who they are helping. Asking the coach why your kid is not playing may put them on defensive and may say some hurtful words to your child like “they are not just big enough, good enough, or strong enough.”
Do not challenge or question coaches in public.
Generally, coaches do not respond well when asked about their decisions. It should not be surprising as this is common for people who are in leading positions. However, we cannot eliminate the fact that the coach’s decision affects not only the gaming results but also the child’s enjoyment and desire to play. Do not challenge in public!
Individual performances are affected – how they see and feel themselves in the situation, how teammates treat them, the sense of belongingness to the team, and the expectations they have on the game. This is a complex issue and a parental concern.
Talk to coaches Privately.
Coaches should be accountable for their actions, and parents should be the advocate of their children. However, parents should look for patterns in the coach’s decisions and know if it is logical to what they are doing. When you are still confused, talk to the head coach, but make sure that you do not do it before or after a game as emotions are too high at these times. Chat privately to the head coach about the situation and tell whatever that disturbs you.
Encourage and affirm your child regardless of playing time.
It is tough for you not to see your child playing very often. However, understand that this happens. Instead, try to keep their spirits up and tell your child how proud you are when he practices and works hard to be better. Practicing is important when making an impression on the coach.
Remember that the coach will decide who they see as contributors. There is literature about stratification in small groups. It emphasizes the limited mobility within groups and the inevitability of hierarchy and stratification. Hence, mobility is limited by those in power and who want to maintain it.
When your child is sitting on the bench, it could be that the coach feels that your child is not ready yet and want to engage them to game gradually. As a parent, it is another thing to discern. Moreover, what matters most is the coach can maintain the environment that provides appreciation, belongingness, and respect between him and the teammates.
Teach your child athlete how to be a good teammate
Learning to be a teammate and balancing individual opportunity is crucial to their development. Playing sports is an excellent way to gain social skills. Parents’ role in this context is to support their children and use sports as “teachable moments” when dealing with adversities in life.
Sitting on a bench may seem lull, but never forget to remind your child to be ready each time. Encourage him to do his best and keep showing every day. Reiterate that efforts will get recognized soon as he exerts efforts in practicing and pushing himself when needed.
You can change teams or schools.
You must consider the impact of this decision carefully.
For over the last few years, the college student-athlete transfer rates have increased. The high school sport federations have modified rules for HS students transferring. These new rules give student-athletes rights and opportunities to change schools when the situation stops them from access and taking chances. However, this concept of “opportunity” should be limited to individual playing time. This thinking forces parents and their children to look for playing opportunities where their children can focus on themselves, which affects their growth as social beings.
For parents, it is a must you to realize and help your child to learn that developing strong friendships with teammates is critical in sports and long-term happiness and success.
Don’t criticize in public or to your child; use it as a life lesson.
So, before criticizing the coach’s decisions for your child sitting on the bench, look at it from a different perspective. Approach this as a potential opportunity for a child’s life lessons. However, the discussion would be different if the coach is hurting your child and others just because of poor balance.
Takeaways
As a parent, here are the ways to support your child sitting on the bench:
- Support your child by attending games and cheering all the players, even the opposition.
- Play the sport with your child outside practice if her permits, but don’t push if he is not into it.
- Practice good sportsmanship by not yelling your child during or after games.
- Avoid comparing your child to another player, either a positive or a negative manner.
- Avoid criticizing your child’s game performance on the ride. Discuss it only when your child wants to.
- Bring your child to practices and games on time. Contact his coach if your child cannot attend for some reason.
- Be a positive role model for your children. Avoid complaining at referees even when they make bad calls. Think that referees are often volunteers or teenagers training themselves.
- Understand that children progress at different rates.
- Do not coach your child or his teammates. If you have concerns with the coach, address it privately, and do not do it before or after the game.
- Remember, you are the adult, so act like one. It would be harder for your child to deal with an uncontrollable parent than for you dealing with an uncontrollable child.
Reference:
Nerbun, J.P (2015). What to Do When Your Child Sits On the Bench. Retrieved on May 11, 2020
from https://ilovetowatchyouplay.com/2019/02/25/what-to-do-when-your-child-sits-the-bench/
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